I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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