If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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