I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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