Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
