Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
