just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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