She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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