i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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