Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
