I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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