You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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