Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
