I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
