the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
