She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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