It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
