You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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