That's intense
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
