When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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