Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
