It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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