He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
