I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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