just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
