how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
