Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
