Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
