I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
