I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
