its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
