He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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