drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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