Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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