her vagine was all disorganized.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
