Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
