my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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