My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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