Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
