I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
operation have a gay friend backfired
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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