Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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