I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
