u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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