god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
