Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
