Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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