Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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