Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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