So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How naked do you want me to be?
try to milk me bitch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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