Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.