the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage