guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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