I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize