Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
