Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

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  (303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7
  Replies (6) Good night (1965) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what if every blade of grass was a penis?

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  (610): what if every blade of grass was a penis? http://tfl.nu/ka1d
  Replies (34) Good night (4125) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3575) Bad night (2512) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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  (954): I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago. http://tfl.nu/vwsn
  Replies (59) Good night (4837) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.

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  (773): I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced. http://tfl.nu/90fx
  Replies (25) Good night (5341) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas

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  (830): Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas http://tfl.nu/3mgi
  Replies (9) Good night (864) Bad night (2762) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3622) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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  (216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61
  Replies (4) Good night (1404) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint

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  (914): I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint http://tfl.nu/yez0
  Replies (10) Good night (683) Bad night (1646) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.

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  (770): The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten. http://tfl.nu/cbpd
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (405)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.

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  (440): Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car. http://tfl.nu/ebaa
  Replies (6) Good night (2054) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.

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  (609): Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good. http://tfl.nu/lsij
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do

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  (231): I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do http://tfl.nu/swrn
  Replies (5) Good night (946) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.

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  (612): we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day. http://tfl.nu/zhdr
  Replies (5) Good night (1076) Bad night (214) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.

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  (270): Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man. http://tfl.nu/achk
  Replies (9) Good night (1908) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt

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