So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
