When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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