i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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