So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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