i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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