We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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