do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
