I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
