I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
