remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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