Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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