Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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