ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
