I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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