So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
