there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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