I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
