I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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