She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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