I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
