how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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