I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
