I love black thongs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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