Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
