It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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